I tried to adjust, but I'm young and screwed up
by thischemicalstellar
Summary: Heyy! I'm thischemicalstellar! This is my first fanfiction. EVER. Please review? Frerard. Frikey. A few other couples. Don't like, don't read.
1. Chapter 1

I groggily half opened my eyes, to the sound of Miss Murder by AFI. "What the fuck? Who'd be calling me now?" I thought. I grabbed my phone and answered it. "H-hello?" I said, still confused and a bit angry at the thought someone would call me this late, and for the fact that it was a school night. Not that I cared about school anyways, I was only going to pass the time until my band really kicked it off. Then I was so out of here. "Frank?" the voice had said, somewhat unsurely of what they were doing. "Uhm, yeah. Who's this?" On the other line I heard a somewhat long, tired sigh. "It's Gerard." Just then, a sudden rush of anger struck my body. Memories, good and bad all came back to me. It took a moment to process what was happening. I shouted into the phone, "What the fuck are you doing calling me?" I had the right mind to hang up just then, but I wanted to hear what he was going to say."Frank, calm down." he said all to non-chalontely. "What the fu- who are you to tell me to calm down? Why are you fucking calling me? What the fuck could you want?" I was furious at this point. How the hell, could he have the nerve to call me? After all he's fucking put me through? I thought. "Just listen. I wanted to say, I'm sorry." As soon as I heard him say that, I busted out laughing. I was in hysterics, and a bit scared of myself. "You, your sorry?" I couldn't stop laughing, even though I was so angry. "What's so fucking funny? And yeah, I am sorry. Would I really call you at 3:30 in the fucking morning if wasn't?" He sounded aggravated, but not quite angry yet. "Hell, there's alot of thing I thought you wouldn't do. But I was wrong then too." At this point, I was up and out of my bed, standing up facing my window. Trying my best not to punch my bedroom wall, or wake up my parents. "Can we meet somewhere after school tomorrow to talk?" "Fuck no. I don't want to talk to you." "Why not" he said, as if he didn't already know why. "Why don't you go talk to Lindsey, or Eliza? Hmm?" I was cocky at this point, because I know what I was talking about. "Frank. I told you the night you walked in on me and Lindsey, I told her it was over. I still love you." I just stared at the phone, in disgust. "The fuck you still love me!" I was screaming as loud as I could. Fuck if I woke up my parents. I was pissed and didn't give a flying fuck. "If you 'loved' me," I was using air quotes as if he could see me. "You wouldn't of snuck around with Eliza, you wouldn't of fucked Lindsey, you wouldn't of stopped talking to me out of nowhere, you wouldn't of left me when I needed you the fucking most, you wouldn't of broke my heart." I could've gone on forever, but I had to stop so I could take a breath. I felt a tear fall down my cheek, and in disgust I punched myself in the stomach. I won't cry over you anymore, I said to myself. "I was wrong to do that to you, Frank. I said I'm sorry. " "Sorry isn't enough, Gerard." I said sternly. "What is? Please just meet me at the courtyard when school lets out tomorrow. Please just can we talk. After that, you never have to talk to me ever again." After a long pause had passed, I replied. "Fine. You get 5 minutes." "Thank you Frank." he said, I almost wanted to believe he was sincere. "I guess. I'm going to bed. Bye." I had hung up. It was nearly four in the morning, and I had just agreed to meet with the guy who ruined my life. What fucking joy. I don't know how I felt, I just knew I was going to be even more miserable if I didn't get to sleep. And with that, I went to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

"Frank Anthony Iero! You're going to be late!" I finished doing my eyeliner. I honestly had to think about wearing make-up today. Based on the circumstances I was going to face. I couldn't promise myself I wouldn't cry when I saw Gerard. The last time I had seen him was when I walked in on him and Lindsey. Since he was in 11th grade, and I was in 10th I found ways to avoid him during school. I never went anywhere I thought he'd may be, in fact I barely went anywhere at all. Mikey, my best friend, always came over to my house. What's even worse is the fact that Mikey is Gerard's younger brother. He never brought up Gerard around me after we broke up, and I loved how he could accept the situation I was in. That's what I loved about Mikey. He was always sweet and caring, he's actually what had me realize I was bisexual. I did have a crush on Mikey, but it wasn't anything serious. He's just the cute ex's brother, right? Right. I grabbed my bookbag and headed out the door, after kissing my mom's cheek and grabbing a Monster energy drink. Since we lived about 5 minutes away from school, I just walked. I met Mikey, and his two friends Ray and Bob outside of the school doors, like always. "Hey guys." I said, as I chugged the energy drink, I was gonna need it. "Hey, Frank. How's it going?" Mikey said. "Ehh, good. I'm not even ready for exams in 8th period today. I didn't study at all." I had said, kinda in a sickly humorous way. Mikey sighed, I knew he was dissapointed. After Gerard, I sunk into a deep depression. I started to self harm, which landed me in the hospital twice, and all my grades sunk. I actually use to be an 'A' student, like Mikey. Now I was barely getting by with D's. Mikey fidgeted around in his bookbag and pulled out a packet of paper and handed it to me. "Here, it's notes. I figured you weren't gonna study, and I don't want you to fail bro." I took the packet, and flipped through it. All the notes were so clear, and easy to read. "Mikey, this is gonna save my ass. Thanks, man." "Welcome, shit we're gonna be late." We all entered the school and went our seperate ways. Like I said earlier, I found ways to avoid Gerard himself in school, but that didn't stop me from hearing about him. He was the talk of the school, the most popular guy there was. Not only that, but he was the frontman of the band, My Chemical Romance. It wasn't famous or anything, but it was known around the town. My band, Pencey Prep wasn't nearly as known as them. But we were getting there. I walked to my locker, unpacked my shit and headed for Algebra.


	3. Chapter 3

"Morning Frank." Mr. Bowie had said as I walked in. "Morning." I mumbled under my breath. I hated this class. I wasn't bad in Algebra, and Mr. Bowie wasn't all that bad either. It was the, stud- rather I say, creatures that I had to spend my time with. As I made my way to the back of the room, I felt something jabbed in my back. I turned around, and whaddya know, it was Bert, the school's star athelete. " Get out of the way, jackass." he snarled. "Make me." I glared at him, turned around and kept walking down the row of seats. "Is that why Gerard was calling me over to his house yesterday?" he shouted down the isle, other students began to laugh. "Fuck off." I know it shouldn't hurt, I know I should be over Gerard, after all he's done to me. But I couldn't, I still loved him. I quickly hit myself in the head, I was to teach myself to hate Gerard. Any thought of missing him resulted in self harm. I put my stuff under my chair and began doodling on last night's homework I didn't do. My head was still in the clouds, thinking of what was going to happen between me and Gerard. I wasn't going to give him any sympathy what so ever. He didn't deserve it, I told myself. Before I knew it, class was over. I was walking to the door when Mr. Bowie called me over. "Frank, may I have a word with you, please?" "Yes sir." Mr. Bowie used to be my favorite teacher, he always challenged me with college calculus and praised me ever so much when I turned it in correctly. He always cared about me, he was another person I was sorry to dissapoint. "Please tell me what's going on, you were such a good student, and now... is something going on at home? I just want you to reach your fullest potential, Frank. And I know this isn't it." he genuinely looked upset. "I'm sorry, sir. I really will promise to try harder. Give me a CC problem tomorrow?" I smiled. And he did too. "You got it, Frank." "Goodbye." and then I headed out of the classroom and over to my locker. Mikey was waiting for me there, to go to study hall. I put in my combination and grabbed my books. "Hey bro," I said, finishing up. "Ready?" "Yup, let's go." he said. As we walked in to the library I told Mikey the situation with Gerard. "Soo, your not being serious are you?" he said, while throwing himself in the nearest chair. I sighed, "Well, yeah. I am." He just sort of stared at me, pretty much indifferently. "Frank, I know Gerard's my brother and all, but you know what he's done. You know what he's done to you. Are you really going back there?" "Maybe he's changed." I mumbled under my breath. Wait.. why was I defending him? I shouldn't be! I quickly pierced my skin for trying to defend him. I held in a yelp of pain, Mikey couldn't know what I was doing to myself. "We both know he hasn't." Mikey said at almost a whisper. He too, was dissapointed in his brother. But as Gerard had yelled at Mikey plenty of times before, with the taste of liquor in his breath, "You should really stop beating a dead horse, little brother." He gave up on his brother, he had too. Mikey had problems of his own, which hurt me even more when he found out about me. If anyone needed a break, it was him. We pretty much sat in silence for the rest of the 55 minutes. After the bell rang, the rest of the day went by pretty quickly. Nothing happened as usual. I got my stuff out of my locker and headed to the doors of the courtyard. I looked out the window to see if he was already out there, surrounded by Bert, William, Patrick and his brother Pete. And that's when I saw him. He hasn't changed, he's still so perfect, I thought to myself. His black hair glistened over his forehead, a jet black. His pale skin sent a shiver down my spine. His smile was so vagrent, and bright. I remember the first time he talked to me. It was the first day of school, and I was only in 9th grade, and he was in 10th. I bumped into him and sent my papers flying into oblivion. I freaked out and fell to the floor, with my hands in my face. He chuckled and picked up all my papers, reading out my name when he saw one eligible enough to read. "Frank I-Ieee-roh?" I giggled as he struggled to pronounce it aloud. "Yes, Iero. And thank you for helping me, I guess I haven't got the hang of things yet." He smiled that fucking smiled. "It's alright, I know the feeling. Know were your classes are?" I shook my head hopeless, and he showed me around. We talked about all kinds of stuff that day, random things. I thought he was the kind of guy to be my best friend for life, not an ex. I sighed aloud and walked through the double doors. As soon as the doors opened, he looked directly my way and smiled. I smiled the fakest smile my mind could process and walked over to him. "Hey Frankie!" he exclaimed. "Hi..?" I had to try my best to hide my excitement. I loved how happy Gerard was to see me. Because I was excited to see him. "How have you been, baby?" "Peachy. And don't call me that." I started fumbling with the cuffs of my shirt. "Sorry, old habit?" he half smiled. "Anyways, let's get down to business!" I sat down on the bench and through my backpack God knows where. "Alright?" "Well, I wanted to say I'm really sorry. And I know you shouldn't forgive me, but I just want you to know I haven't gone a day without thinking about you." he looked at me while running his fingers through his hair. My heart desperately wanted to say, _I still fucking love you so much._ But my mind somewhat came out with the response of "Oh." Nice one, Frank. "Well you obviously are done with me and I respect that. I'll go now, goodbye, Frankie." he started to walk away. Frank. Stop. Water you about to do. Frank. Frank. Before I knew it I had already ran over to him and did something else to fuck my life up a little more.


	4. Chapter 4

I quickly jumped off the bench, and ran over to him. I turned him so he was facing me, and stared into his eyes. "I really should fucking hate you." He smirked and replied, "I know." He pulled me into the best kiss of my life. It was balenced with emotions. Hate. Love. Passion. I was so lost in it, nothing else mattered. I remember what it felt to be happy again. It felt like forever since I felt that good. I forgot everything about forgetting Gerard and I just wanted to be with him again. He pulled away and we both just stared at each other. I tried my best to say, "I-I-I gotta go." But he really just came out in a blur. "Bye, baby." Gerard kissed my cheek and walked down the courtyard. I just stood there, in awe of the situation. I couldn't move, I was so happy. He kissed me.. he kissed me! I through a fist in the air looking like a complete moron but not giving a damn. I walked home estactic, and came in to the smell of my mom's baked Ziti. "Mmm, smells good Mom!" I side-hugged her. "I figured we haven't had this in a while. Nice change, huh?" "Yeah, I'm going to head up to my room." She nodded, clearly to much into boiling the pasta to notice anything I've said. I ran upstairs and opened my door. As soon as I sat down my phone began blasting Miss Murder. "Hello?" "Hey, Frank. It's Ray, Mikey's friend." "Oh hey bro, what's up?" I wasn't quite sure what he wanted. "Mikey has something he wants me to tell you." I froze for a second. What's going on? Is he ill? Is he moving? What? No! I just got my second chance with Gerard! Wait, this is about Mikey. "What is it" I answered worriedly. "He... he thinks he's in love with you." I dropped the phone. WHAT THE FU-?


	5. Chapter 5

"Mikey? In love with me? You gotta be fucking me. Mikey's straight." I was still in shock to even consider a relationship with Mikey. We've been best friends for a while now. He never mentioned even having feelings for another guy. Let alone, me. "Well.. he doesn't know. He came over in hysterics when his brother told him about your scene together and now he's crying his eyes out on my couch over here." What? Mikey's doing that? Just a while ago he was plain out right talking to me. "Is he al-alright? I don't know what to say.." my voice began cracking. "He's fine, he's gonna calm down and he'll text you later, he said." Ray replied. "Alright man." "No problem, bye." How in the fucking fuck could my day have gone from shit, to amazing, to shock, and then shit again? I finally had what I've wanted, a chance with Gerard again. How could I pass that up? But Mikey, what if he is inlove with me? What if I loved him? This can't be happening. I walked over to my ped and faceplanted straight into my pillow. A few minutes later I felt my phone vibrate. It was from Mikey. It read, "_Hey bro. I'm sorry about earlier. I guess I had somekind of breakdown." _ Should I reply right away or wait to make it seem like I'm less desperate? Ugh. I replied about three minutes later, "_It's alright. So, about you being in love with me? Is it true?" _ I just stared at my phone, it seemed like an eternity. "He hasn't replied.. what could that mean?" I thought aloud. "Frank! Honey, there's someone at the door for you." I shook the thoughts out of my head and headed downstairs to answer the door. It was Mikey. "Mikey? What are you-" before I could finish the rest he had already forced his lips on to mine, making me almost fall backwards. I pulled away with a dazed look on my face. We just stood in the silence, looking at each other. "Frank, if you can tell me you don't like me I'll go now." I still hadn't said anything, because I wasn't sure how I felt about the whole thing. I really liked Mikey, but if I chose Mikey I'd lose anything with Gerard. "I don't, I don't know how I feel about you, Mikey." I started biting on my lipring, trying to read the expression on Mikey's face. It was somewhat blank, with a hint of sadness. "Well, would this change anything?" He lunged towards me, causing our lips to collide. It was rough and fast, something I'd never expect from Mikey. His tongue sat at my bottom lip begging for entrance. I allowed it, and he pretty much took over from there. We had stumbled on to the staircase, Mikey on top of me. He started to move down to my collarbone, and me not thinking let out a moan of pleasure. It was unreal, I would have never thought Mikey would act this towards me like this. He pulled away, and smirked, "Soo? How'd that make you feel?" He was still on top of me, and we were still laying on the stairs. Feet away from my mother. "I liked it." I said, nervously. He smiled one of the biggest smiles I've seen from him in a long time. "Good. I've got to go now. Text me later, baby?" I walked him out and fell behind the front door. Great. Both of the Way's are calling me there baby. "Frank, your such a manwhore." I thought to myself.


	6. Chapter 6

I ran upstairs, shut my door and screamed into my pillow. "Jesus Christ! Why me?" Every feeling I had before all turned into anger. Well, more than that. An uncontrollable rage against myself. Hatred flowed over my body, needing an outlet. I jumped over to my dresser and pulled out a razor I had hidden when they raided my room from my last suicide attempt. "You deserve this!" then that's when it began. I walked into my bathroom, shut the door and faced the mirror and I started slashing long cuts across my arm. Each one deeper than the last. "Your stupid. Gerard will never love you." cut. "Your the reason Mikey is confused." cut. "Your going to hurt Mikey." cut. I screeched when I reached my elbow. I could barely hold back the pain. It was excruciating. So many slits covered my forearm, which was also blood stained. "I should die! If I wasn't here no one would have to go through this!" Pratically sitting in a pile of blood, I was able to get up and collect a en and pencil from my room. Using the hand that wasn't dripping with blood, I wrote, "Dear Mom, Mikey, Gerard and anyone else I have hurt,

I"m sorry.

Your young and screwed up,

Frank."

I reread the paper over and over again, until my eyesight began to fade. Just before everything went black, I heard a blatent scream. "I'm sor-sorry." I must've lost conciousness because when I had awaken I was sitting in a hospital bed, surronded by my mother and a few doctors. "Frankie hunny! I was so worried about you!" my mother had said, while smothering me in kisses. "I know, mom." "What had made you even think of killing yourself?" she looked really worried. "Mom, I don't want to talk about this hear and now, I want to go home. I tried to get up, but I was to weak. I fell back down onto the bed, like a sack of potatoes. "Not so fast, Frank. We'll have to watch you overnight to make sure your healthy with the blood you have now. You lost quite a bit." the male doctor had said checking a meter in the left of the bed. "What joy." The doctor pulled my mom into the hall, I guess to talk to her about my medical issues. I dug around in her purse to find my IPod and blasted some You Me At Six. The music must've been so loud I hadn't realized someone had come in. Feeling a light tap on my shoulder, I opened my eyes and saw Gerard standing over me. "Hey baby." he said, stroking the side of my face. "Hey." I smiled. I hated how I went from cussing himout on the phone and hating his guts to almost melting under his touch. "How are you? Are you okay?" "I'm okay, thanks." I grabbed his hand and he sat in the chair next to the bed. "Good. I was scared for you, baby." He leaned in and kissed me, it actually felt like Heaven. I could smell the coffee on his breath, and his lips were still so warm. It was perfect. Suddenly the door, swung open. Mikey had came in, carrying flowers in one hand, and magazines in the other. "What.. what's going on?" I just laid there, not knowing what to say. When Gerard spoke up and said, "I'm here, with my boyfriend, Michael." Did he say I was his.. boyfriend? This is all so messed up! Mikey's face turned red with anger. "Your what?" he shut the door behind him and threw the flowers and magazines to the floor. "My boyfriend." Gerard stood up, and walked over to Mikey. "He's not your boyfriend, Gerard. He likes me." they both stared at me, before Gerard retaliated. "Oh really now? Because, it doesn't seem like it." He walked over to me and kissed me again, short and sweet but to prove the point. "Frank!" the tears swelled in his eyes. "I honestly never meant to hurt you, Mikey." I had said, the first thing I had said that whole time. He just stood there, looking deep into my eyes. As if he were trying ti find the answer he wanted to hear. Gerard whispered into my ear, "You need to tell him to go, it's only going to make things worse if he stays." Gerard looked from me, to Mikey, and back to me. "I really do love you, little brother. Please remember that. But Frank is mine. I'm going to go get coffee and an overnight bag. I hope there is no hurt feelings." Mikey stared at Gerard, and so did I. What in the hell was going on? As Gerard was leaving the room, I heard Mikey mumble a whisper loud enough to be understood, "I hate you." Then he turned back to me, "Frank, please don't do this." he said pleadingly. "I'm sorry Mikey, but you need to go." He burst out in tears, and left the room. My mom had come in, and asked what had happened, but I didn't want to explain. I just turned on my IPod and drifted away.


End file.
